Working mom life can be challenging - even for seasoned moms like myself- let alone a first time mom
From the struggles and juggling of career and baby, to the feelings of inadequacy at both work and home while also trying to figure out who you are now that you’re both: mom and employee, it’s not something that is often discussed when you’re coming out of maternity leave and back into the workforce.
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Each of my return-to-work experiences were completely different and filled with their own sets of emotions, adjustments and transition back into the role of being a working mom. I distinctly remember thinking that as long as I could push through and get to a point where it was manageable, I’d be good. I’m almost 13 years removed from my first return-to-work transition post-baby and having had the opportunity to continue working throughout all 3 of my pregnancies, I also learned several things along the way that have helped me to become a better employee and a more supportive ally to women as they make the adjustment from employee to working mom.
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When I reflect on those experiences, and how each have shaped my journey, there are a few takeaways that, when asked, I share with women I know who are also making the transition back to work after maternity leave.
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1.) Ask for help.
This is so incredibly hard for so many women, especially working moms, but if there is anything I have learned after returning to work environments three times from maternity leave (and with three different organizations I might add) it’s that we have to ask for help. There’s so much ‘balancing’ a new mom has to do when making that transition that asking for help from others in the workplace can relieve so much stress and it also facilitates better communication and partnership when you advocate for yourself and vocalize your needs no matter the capacity in which you’re asking for it.
2.) Help your leadership and your colleagues understand what your needs are and have a plan so you set yourself up for success and less stress.
Much like asking for help, having a plan and clearly laying out your needs will help your leadership and your coworkers be better at supporting your return to work. When I was in pharmaceutical sales I worked for several men over the course of my career, all of them had wives and children, and they were understanding and supportive of my needs. In fact, it was my first District Sales Manager that called to let me know that we should meet and discuss my plan for return-to-work. He wanted to ensure I felt comfortable and supported as I made the transition back. He was direct but that laid the foundation for how I approached my return and gave me confidence that he had my back when sharing my plans and my needs. I worked in the field so pumping in the car or at a doctor’s office a few times a day was factored into my work day. It also decreased the expectations for my daily number of visits that had to be completed. Without having had that conversation and level setting that expectation with my boss, he would have assumed I was good and didn’t need to be accommodated. I am forever thankful he did that because when I was returning back to work from leave after the birth of each of my sons - it served as my how-to-guide to approach the conversation and make the transition so much less stressful. If your boss isn’t facilitating this discussion - let them know you need to have a conversation with them. Coming to them with a plan and taking that initiative let’s them know how serious you are about your needs being supported.
3.) Rely on the support - and experience - of other working moms.
For my first two return from leave transitions I was so fortunate to have the support of coworkers who had been there, done that and gotten the t-shirt. Having that support and also the shared experience helped me realize that it would get better and I would be able to manage it even though at times it felt like I wouldn’t be able to at all. Being able to have that real-talk also strengthened my partnerships and friendships with the two women I am still friends with to this day and whom I give so much credit to in helping a sister out by being an ally to their fellow co-working mom.
4.) Know your rights when it comes to pumping/caring for your child and outline the first year from a work perspective so you have a more realistic approach of what you can feasibly accomplish.
Along the same lines of asking for help and having a plan - know your rights as a working mom. If you’re returning to an in-office setting, outline your break times for pumping. If you’re in a field based role like I am, understand how that can and will impact your day and your ability (or lack thereof) to resume a normal schedule. And if you’re working from home, assess your situation and factor into it the breaks and time you will need to pump and/or adjust to this new way of working. Being a working mom, like anything, becomes more manageable once we’ve gotten our feet wet and learned the ropes better. Pumping was the biggest area I needed to advocate for myself because my first never took a bottle and so she nursed exclusively from me for her first 13 months of life. My second was such a voracious eater that I needed to keep my milk supply up and my third was like my second, so...pumping on planes, in cars, at work meetings became the need and norm for me. And I’d often feel like I needed to figure it out instead of the other way around. Being your own advocate is paramount to ensuring you can have a successful pumping journey upon returning to work. Don’t be afraid - speak up. Your baby depends on you. When I reframed it that way to myself I had no issues letting people know I needed to step away and go pump.
5.) Give yourself Grace. So. Much. Grace.
We hear it all the time and with 3 kids; ages 12, 11 and 4...I still have to remind myself of this mantra daily. This is a transitional period in your life. You’re not going to be operate the way you did pre-baby. Guess what? No one is expecting you to. And it’s okay that you don’t because amazing things have changed in your life for the better. I have found that I am the hardest on myself and would stress and continue to stress over things that others don’t care about. They’re meaningful to me because I want to be the best. But sometimes, good enough is my best because I’m trying to juggle a lot personally and professionally. I’ve allowed myself so much grace as my kids have gotten older because I’ve felt the pains of sacrificing family for work and I don’t ever want to repeat that. But I’m having those moments to reflect upon, it’s taught me to be a better mom and a much better leader and employee. So give yourself grace, mama and take a deep breath because the fact that you’re on this journey in the first place makes you a warrior. If you’re ever in need of anyone to reassure you of that - please come find me.
Maria Smith is a full time working mom and has a blog series called managing motherhood through her website https://confessionsofacorporatemom.com.